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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Just wondering

So many questions go unanswered, life don't come with how to instructions. This being the case we need to find our own way in this world. Have you ever tried to feel your way around in the door in a strange room. Life to me is something like that. The exception being that in life you go thru certain situations over and over again. Therefore it would'nt be the first time in that dark room. But when you fail to learn the first time you go thru what ever that may be you tend to repeat the same mistakes over again.

Just as you may make the same mistakes you are likely to make all new ones. You may think you have learned but the only thing you really learned is not to do that one thing you did before. You failed to learn the right thing to do so instead of making the same mistake you make an entirely new one. Frustrating aint it. There is an old saying, the older you get the dummer you get. To me this makes sence because it is hard for some to find the right answer. Sure you can seek advice for others, but becareful in doing that the one you seek advice from maybe just as screwed up as you.

We all have our onw burdens so tring to talk to others in an effort to ease the stress can be a complete waste of time. They are not interested in your problems nor do they care. Hell they got there own problems to deal with. And then there are the so called friends who would steer you down the word path just to watch you suffer. It's hard to know who to trust an who really has your best interest at heart.

I have tried to  be a true friend to people but I find myself always getting the short end of the stick. If there is an issue someone needed to get of there chest, I would try to listen without judgement even if it was something I really did'nt want to hear about. But all I got in return was what ever your feeling I really don't care an don't want to hear about it. Then there have been times when I did anything and every thing I could to show a friend that I was truly in there corner only to have them turn around an say to me, if what i'm doing aint good enough for you then you should leave me alone. So I just wonder what is a true friend an how do you know when you really have one. Cause to be frankly honest I don't think I have ever really had a true friend. An seeing as how I don't put much stock in people as it is, I don't hold out much hope of ever having one.

Thick and thin what is that these days I think thats not a real concept. Think about it, you have family and friends anyone of which can an will turn they backs own you in a heart beat. Nobody stands with anybody anymore. The closest person to you can be the one to stabb you in the back for any number of reason. So I wonder how can you trust anybody. I don't have a answer for that so I stay to myself an don't let anybody get to close. So many questions left unanswer. Why do we treat each other the way we do? Why is it every time we see someone gaining ground in life we feel the need to pull them down? Why do we pertend to care knowing full well you don't really give a damm? Why do we lead people on? Why do we act like we don't care until we see the one that cares about us start to walk away, an why is that when we decide to show some effort? Why is our effort so short meaning we do just enough to shut them up for awhile then go back to what we been doing. Why do we think everybody is so stupid that they can see our lies?

I mean I could go on and on. It is a sad state we as people are in. I just wonder if we can ever get it together an be real with each other. I refuse to be that way (FAKE), I refuse to treat anybody less than the way I want to be treated. I refuse to settle for FAKENESS. And I refuse to have anyone do anything for me just to shut me up. Bottom line I should'nt have to ask for sertain things an if I do then it actually getting done means nothing because it's only being done because I brought it up, that cheapins it. It doesn't come from the heart. Then as always its back to normal. FUCK NORMAL it aint doing shit for me.

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